Interview with Postpartum Nurse Abby Coakley
Abby Coakley is a postpartum nurse and lactation consultant, who helps families feel more comfortable with infant care and breastfeeding, at Beth Israel hospital in Boston. She helps birthing parents as they recover after birth, and support the entire family in the transition from hospital to home. If you receive care from Abby you are in truly loving hands as she told me in person and for this interview, “I have the best job in the world and feel so honored to do what I do everyday.” I hope you enjoy our conversation.
Libby: What is one thing you hope each mother and birthing person in the postpartum unit knows or feels before they leave to go home? Why is this important?
Abby: There are so many things I hope parents learn and leave with after birth. I try as both an RN and LC to give parents support but also the space to figure out what will work for them and their new family. Postpartum care and lactation is an art more than a science and I try to meet families where they are as opposed to trying to prescribe what this “ should” look like.
Most important I want families to feel confident when they leave my care. To feel as if, yes mistakes are inevitable, but that they are ready and resourced to do this. Many parents feel like they are incapable of handling what is to come. I want to build them up and allow them to see how they are actually capable. I remind them the importance of asking for and accepting help.
I try to give my families time to process the birth that just occurred as well. Many families experience births different from what they envisioned and in some cases have traumatic birthing experiences. Once the baby is there and healthy, that experience tends to get swept under the rug. I encourage families to find a time to process the birth when they feel ready because if they do not, it will be there for the next birth. Acknowledging how challenging one’s birth was, in my experience can be a moving and very important part of the post partum healing journey.
L: Feeding baby is a common challenge that new mothers and birthing people face in the early months. What advice or support can you offer based on your professional expertise (and your personal experience if you would like to add it)?
A: If you are having a tough feed, baby won’t latch, screaming at the chest etc, take a break. Feeding should be a time to bond with your baby. If it’s getting stressful, take a break. Have your partner soothe them by allowing them to suck on a clean finger or walk them around and shoosh them. Sometimes babies need a reset. If it’s still not working this is a great time to use a pump. You can give breast milk via bottle, know the baby ate and try again next time. Babies, just like adults, have tough moments. No worries. We listen, try to calm and adjust the plan if needed for that feed. There is no perfect with feeding your baby. It’s all about flexibility and trusting that you got this, because you do. (Note: Milk supply is highest from midnight to 5am.)
If you are constantly having issues seek a lactation consultant. You are not in this alone. Sometimes a small tweek can make a huge difference.
L: What is your advice on how mothers and birthing people can make the most of their postpartum recovery in the hospital?
A: Postpartum nurses and lactation consultants have a ton of knowledge. Pick their brains. Ask for help with feeding (both breast and bottle). Ask for a bath demo, ask what to look out for at home. Ask them for the best advice they have to give. You want to feel as confident as you can walking out of the hospital. If you are exhausted take help! If there is a nursery and you can get a few uninterrupted hours of sleep, don’t feel guilty about utilizing it. You can’t be a good parent if you are a sleepless zombie. The staff is there to help you and your partner recover as well as care for your baby. Ask for and take help.
L: What are ways mothers and birthing people can advocate for themselves and baby while in postpartum recovery at the hospital and when they go home?
A: In the hospital, ask questions. Being in a hospital can be very disempowering. The power dynamic is so weird especially because they are caring for YOUR baby. Your nurses and doctors should be there to work with you as a team, not as if they know best for your baby. If something feels weird or your don’t understand, ask questions. If you need a few minutes as a family to make a decision about a procedure or lab draw, ask for it. This is your baby and your family so you decide how this goes.
At home, reach out to your village. If people are coming to your home to visit, make a list of things they could help you with. People want to help but once they see a baby, their brains turn to moosh and they don’t know what to do! Tell them to bring groceries, a meal, help fold laundry. Don’t feel bad. These people are your village. Your village is here to help with the baby, so you can rest and recover. They will hold space and allow time for you to grow into your new roles.
L: Are there any at home healing self care practices you recommend mothers and birthing people do when they leave the postpartum care at the hospital?
A: Self care is so important in the postpartum period. I truly think sleep is the best thing you can do for yourself. Giving birth, no matter how you do so, is the biggest work out your body ever does. Not to mention all the work your body did to grow a human!
Before birth, make a list of things things that provide you with care that you can have ready during the postpartum period. There are times in the postpartum period where things may feel overwhelming and it may be difficult to communicate to others what you need. If you have a list of options you can read through it and see what feels like a good fit that day.
Partners also need to remember the importance of self care for them and you. Make it a priority for both parents and no one will feel left out or guilty. Definitely a good thing to discuss before the birth.
